Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
nutella sex= disaster
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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