There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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