I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
