happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize