dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
