you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The power of my boobs compel you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
