Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
