I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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