Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
