Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
