you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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