fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
