see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize