I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
