Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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