I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Boobs are out for the taking
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
