You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
