she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
