Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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