Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
