I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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