I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
