I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
