im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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