I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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