Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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