thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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