either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
