Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
