i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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