and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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