After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
