I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
