Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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