It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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