If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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