Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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