So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
