3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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