I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize