I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
