I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
