She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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