Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize