Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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