don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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