someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
