Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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