how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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