I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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