i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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