you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
