seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
