I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
