I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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