If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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