got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
40s are totally the cure
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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