The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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