OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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